Biggest Confession ever!
I'm actually now everyone knows that I gave birth to 3 children and not only 2
Especially after I had so afraid Mr.Sexy to tell them when we were on our way to the youth office ..... Tell me, you read my entries at all? * Lol *
Anyway, what I tell you now, is the darkest experiences of my past. I've finished with the whole and I'm now so clear.
If anyone question me why or condemn, I tell you the same: Entfollowed me, throwing me from your friends list, because that is sending you something I do not approve.
You always have both sides of a coin and whoever me because of what is now almost 10 years back .. Sorry convicted. I have zero understanding of.
Mr.Sexy is cop, has 3 children and even he sentenced me no play! So "Handle it or leave me the fuck alone! I learned my lessons and they hurted like fucking hell! " Believe me!
So, as I said my life was always chaotic. Divorce of parents, bullying at school, weight problems, nausea inferiority complexes, rebel and perhaps I'm even a little bit confused sex with love when I was younger, say, will: Yes, I am no angel and have my parents anymore than a gray hair gives. I know that now.
I was in the home, have lived with my grandparents, there have also been things that I would now prefer to do undone, but it is part and parcel of my life. Part of my experience and in some ways I am grateful ...
When I was 18, I am drawn back to my mom. Until then I had not had any real relationship. Sex yes, but no relationship .. Yes net looks like man. It does not have to marry
if you can be popping! Happens to be such, if you think something else. Wake up, princess
Yes, sometimes I am also quite ne Bitch, but that's just what life taught me has, therefore, I am what I am and think as I think, you know? At 18, I've
Jürgen met who was 19 years older .. and is thus older than my own parents. I loved him net .. Gee whiz, I know net what came over me, the sex that's net, because we had only 2 months after we met, it was also good and net .. anyway care. Igiit, I will think about it because net.
Jürgen was Alki, freshly arrived from the prison, super lazy, a loafer, has drowned in only 6 days all our money, paid no rent, no electricity, nothing and I've really paid much therefore survived because I have my mom.
some point I began to Jürgen beat-to beat right ... So really with his fist and I also had a black eye because of him .. but to tell it all would be collected too far.
Anyway, I had the long snout full of starving him, after almost 2 years, moving constantly, beaten, sleep on the floor, and bad sex ... So I thought I had finally hit the jackpot!
. ... In January 1999 I was myself then my mom made that once had more trouble with ihremn type. We are
been drinking .. Well so far it went. I had no money again, my Mom almost nothing more. So we've tried to identify the cheapest and had it hung for 2 hours and really wanted to go.
I again briefly to the toilet and when we wanted to leave then, Greg came to our table and asked if we want Darts .. Gee whiz, the guy was so ugly. I did not want to, but Mom, virtually always said how she thinks, then what determines the donated and we have to put our men Ollen net .. Wooohoo. Deal!
I was annoyed, I tell you. But then he came back to the table and had his buddy there ...
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I've experienced twice, the first time that night. (The second time, in July 2010)
Chris was amazing sweet, has just looked cool and I wanted him .. Wanted him more than anything else .. I had in mind that I'm too ugly to him, but for the bed the guys we do so often, but for that we are good, so I .. so I've taken away also accept to be just a one night stand for him, the main thing I was allowed to touch this lovely Adonis feel once and ...
Chris was so overwhelming he could kiss her sweet and great, I found out a few hours later, but he was the perfect gentleman and said he was not such a give me his number and has agreed to meet me for the next evening.
I already had an hour there before .. on 11.1.1999, 16 clock I sat with Mom in this pub have gehibbelt like hell, waiting for Chris .. He arrived on time clock 17.
I would have died on the spot for this man. Tall, slim well built, blonde hair, blue eyes and dazzling smile ever ...
This evening we have actually spent only smooch with bright red-really until our lips were raw and ... and as my mom then went off because she had to catch the Last Metro, am I left.
I took Chris home and slept with him .. In the early hours of 12.01 and was in the 7th Heaven ...
was time Schüchen I am wrong and I barely raised my mouth, so were the beginning of our meeting very biased, but I just enjoyed the time with him and loved to have sex with him.
the first time in my life I had really good sex, sex SUPER. I've always said this "With Chris, I had my sexual revolution" * giggle *
Anyway .. So we met every day, have hardly talked, I was head over heels in love and knew that I want to grow old with the man and after a week he asked me the stupidest question ever .. I mean: After a week? Really?
He asks me if I forbid so tatsächliuch and after we-know-what I had sex as often .. And no, I did not have.
I've taken the time to Jürgen pill, but did not tolerate, so I got it stopped.
with Jurgen and I ran for months already eh nothing more, so I did so because net also have to think ...
I am an absolute opponent of abortion, so I was probably every color in the face, but I Chris asked "what if ..." and he answered me when I'm pregnant, he would not allow that I think even on abortion, as it has with his child!
And I was the happiest person in the world .. This man was so perfect ... until he gave me exactly 3 days later then stated that I MUST abortions, should I be pregnant.
I was so hoping ... I always wanted to have children and I have nothing I liked more than one child from a man I love everything about him and grow old ...
2 weeks later I had my period must get, they never came!
I waited a week, it was continued. My mom was ultimately the one who pushed me the money in hand and told me I should buy NEN damn test!
Oh, and by Jürgen I had separated in the meantime also ... this separation I would have done it without my family but never ... and Chris
My pregnancy test was positive and I am right in the mix of emotions! I was so delighted at the little something that grew in me, on the other hand, I was so scared because of Chris. The fact that he wants to force me to have an abortion, leaving me .. But I had priorities and were called now times: No abortion, I am not a murderer! (Sorry if someone feels attacked .. that's just my opinion and I have reasons .. I like to explain, if necessary)
Chris has responded as expected. He wanted the child, I did. He has made statements. I was happy. It is to know so indescribably wonderful feeling that you're able to create a life with your body and let it grow in you, my parents did in the beginning of happy grandparents specific and in a week came back Chris crawled ..
I've taken it back stupid cow!
My pregnancy was from a few attacks of nausea, fine, no complaints otherwise, difficulty gaining weight, the sex was still good .. However, Chris has tried everything so I lost the baby.
He has rushed the dog to a friend in me has made strenuous things with me, so I vlt. NEN get severance and was extremely ruthless and hard during sex because he was hoping that I lose the baby by, but I was so blind.
I loved him, you understand that? No ... I can understand. I understand even today any more.
The nine months went around, we have popped, arguments, separated us, popped back, reunited, again arguing .. I do not know how often does. In any case, my pregnancy was not even over and all have been incredibly annoyed by us!
Chris was at the birth here .. this day was soo strange
He stood by me, my parents were there, the delivery was hell, so I did not even after birth had the feeling that this is my child .. It seemed so unreal.
BUT I had a beautiful little baby: Leon Drick Christian, born on 10.12.1999 at 17.36 clock.
12 noon clock burst in my womb, my dad picked me and witnessed my first woe and, unfortunately, my "I get a child now and want to squeeze it out of me with all his might," cries * rofl * Something has been missing
.. I liked Leon, but the feeling was not there Mama ... On this day, Chris told me the first time that he loves me
1 day later, he has insulted me and hit the first time -! In the hospital ... while my Mom happy her grandson was in arms! Then it was
worse and worse. Chris has beaten me regularly Leon was annoyed when hunger was at night (which is normal so) started to drink more and more, has threatened to take away the little me .. but I stayed with him.
are short term, we even pulled together, but they were 2 or 3 weeks, then I went with Leon again to my Mom ..
My mom and her ex were only annoyed by us .. either popping they heard us or fight us. The blows they have never noticed. Chris has carefully watch out that you can see anything ...
My mom went out after her ex has broken up, I was alone and then everything went out the rowing ...
Chris could not get it to work, has just drunk yet, I was beaten, cheated and eventually was it so hard that the neighbors regularly phoned the police ..
Every time came, a report went to the youth office and stood before my door "to help me" but I've made on Stur ..
I was so blind. I just do not get it that Leon can not grow up. I definitely need to leave Chris .. even after the Youth Office has used harsher means and I was taken to court, I've's never seen ..
No. I'm kidding can continue to beat and fuck ... I
Leon never really treated like a mother should know the I am now! I know since I'm Jessica ... and I actually cry degree, all this time because I was so damn stupid and blind ... How could I do to
my little angel thing?? Geficke Because the bit of good?
God. That's may indeed Obviously it was not!
On the night of 10/12/2001, it has escalated! It was the night to Leon's 2nd Birthday.
Chris and I were actually separated .. he came, has behaved, my last money demanded and wanted to take my last cigarette (money would have come 2 days later) .. I've denied him, So it was brutal.
has me thrown to the ground, has hit me. I fled into the living room and he took the phone and it beaten into me.
Then he began to tell me to box, then got up and has occurred to me. Then he ran away ... is simply cut off.
I grabbed Leon, who was woken up in the meantime, have things packed up, he wanted to bring my mom (at night 2 or 3!) And then even the police to report him.
When I opened the door, the police stood in front of me tells me I'm going nowhere and it is ne complaint against me before for assault!
give you this I have done nothing. I was afraid to have taken a knife and threatened Chris, yes, but I had never really done that yet .. He then hurt himself with the knife beneath their eyes.
Anyway, I asked the police to be allowed to bring my son first, to my Mom, I come to volunteer, and tell them everything they want, they have allowed me. I've
spent a good 2 hours at the police did, they were repeat my lawyer, my dad and the Youth Welfare Office called aunt .. but it was just too late for repentance! The
said the youth welfare office to me bluntly, "You are up to 14 clock with Leon for me. He is placed in a foster home early stem and remains there for now until they controlled their lives and I come with the police. The decision by the court I'll get away! "
I had to do it. I had no choice ... but I was too cowardly and did on that day my mom done the worst thing I could ever do to her: I asked her, her beloved grandson at the Youth Office to deliver!
my Mom it was worse than me, I know, and she had a meltdown reason, but I was too cowardly .. just like always ...
Leon was then so away .. almost on the hour exactly 2 years after his birth!
The next few weeks I could see him every 2 or 3 days. My mom was always here, the willingness of foster mother seemed very nice and also my desk officers from social services, but then changed something ... fairly quickly.
Leon had a short time can not relate to me. He called the willingness care "Mom" while he ignored me, she is crying after them, as he alone should remain with me.
I had an outburst at the Youth Office, have wept and raged and I went to visit again .. without Leon.
A Psychological assessment was made. I was judged on what my ex for telling lies about me and about my own past in the home ... I had the moment where I walked into the practice, already lost ...
Yes I've made mistakes. Serious errors, but to judge me because of my past?
It was decided that Leon is in a foster family. That was about a year after the incident. He arrived there, lived a good, my mom visited him regularly .. I do not.
through my cousin Ahmed, the I met with the confirmation of my little brother in 2002, I've re-found power and the force me finally to Chris solve ..
We are then not met .. we had sex it was another incident in which I truly him, in self-defense out, had seriously injured and then it was over ...
By Ahmed I decided to finally settle my life and then eventually back to Leon to myself.
I've got an apartment in Fürth taken close to my Daddy to whom I owe as much in that time! (I love my parents so much, you can imagine does not) .. I've searched again NEN job and I decided that I do not want to have more children.
I would not go through all that again, and great was the fear that one I like taking away my newborn child ....
I had a good life, got along great, was happy ... then I met Siggi and much as I wanted more and did not relate so little I HIM I was with him but somehow sure that HE is exactly the right one. Siggi
I've said from the beginning of Leon - a big mistake, because his family still am therefore condemned, but Siggi did not.
Siggi was understanding, loving, I'm with him I felt like a princess, he was simply the very best what ever happened to me ... Maybe I
tell our story someday, but not now. I heul today anyway enough from the eyes and it hurts me to think of our early days ...
Siggi has encouraged me at that time, Leon to visit again and I did.
It was hard. Very difficult. Especially as the foster parents were always there. I was completely under the control and Leon was uncertain to me like anything .. But I have made good.
My mom was at it and said, with shining eyes "Daniela, like today I've never seen you! You seem so .. so .. MOTHERS! "
I was touched and it made me think .. not only that I now had only maternal but also just because Siggi necessarily wanted children, but I since the "removal" by Leon thought about sterilization ...
I've fought with me .. long, but I was so sure that Siggi is the perfect guy to rethink about my decision. He has given me so much strength and energy was so positive and has influenced me positively insane.
Like you know me now .. I was not yet 8 years ago.
I really never did get open my mouth, never said my opinion, had no self confidence .. Wed Siggi has given all of that and I loved him.
infinitely So! So much so that we got engaged after 2 months and 3 months, moved in together.
after January 2003, almost exactly four years the first time I had the certainty that I am pregnant again and I was afraid ...
I remember this day .. to Siggi's happy face He was so happy to be daddy. He treated me great, it was in every investigation and has so much been looking forward to the baby .. I knew it was the right decision.
Leon did I go visit and when it was not to hide anymore, I'm the youth office informed of the pregnancy .. responded surprisingly very very positive!
I was relieved and happy. But then what happened, what has it changed everything.
I've started to Leon over feeling guilty .. not only because the pregnancy with Jessica was so much positive, but also because the birth was so wonderful.
had pain and I've wanted the midwife to hell, but it was so .. on beautiful fashion.
Jessica was born and I've loved so madly .. so crazy and all .. Mama this feeling was right there and so much so that it totally blew me away!
When she was then applied to my chest and drank the first time that Leon never did, I was so overwhelmed ... I would can immediately release the next child.
The relationship with Siggi has always had ups and downs, but as a father, he was perfect and magnificent. Jessica may be the first 3 years like a little princess grew up and I could not really happy and grateful for this man!
In this time I've been thinking a lot. I thought about what went wrong with Leon. Have the once a year to get these reports, in which time and again was the importance of a solid base for Leon, how much he suffers from other children because he wears NEN name other than its "parents" and that he loves the two so much and feel so at home .. Do not get me wrong
. I have not made the decision because I had a "new kid" .. just had a stronger feeling, thought did better was a bit more mature now ...
I have the time, shortly after the birth of Jessica wonders if it is not the most appropriate if the family lives in Leon, adopted him ...
I've seen my mistakes and I wanted nothing more than that Leon has the happy childhood that I was going to give Jessica.
It broke my heart as I've understood what I've screwed up and I really thoroughly thought about it whether an adoption would not be the best choice.
I knew my parents would give Siggi blame. I knew my mom a break once again, the heart, but it was seen sober for LEON is the best thing I could give him would now!
I asked the Youth Ministry to .. that was just before I was pregnant with JP .. whether the family would consider an adoption into consideration and goodness gracious, who were totally over the moon .. overjoyed.
me then I really think, after 3 or 4 years, plus decided. Leon I'll release, so he is happy he gets the name of his "parents" and thus has no more problems in school because the other last name and then it was only to be signed to Chris ...
I had the choice .. I could also learn how it goes Leon, could have pictures, but I do not consider this appropriate.
With my signature, the notary, I've almost put my motherhood. I am indeed his biological mother, but before the law and on the paper gives me no more than his mother ... I'm his and that's the producer ..
And I deserve to be the producer's ONLY.
JP was born and I received the news that Leon is now officially no longer my child.
I do not know how's it going. I do not know if it was the perfect decision, but I trust his parents.
I know that they love him, that they give him for the past 8 years all the things I would never be able to give him and I know when he is old enough (which traveled so in 6 years) and appear to me, should tell him that I would then like I failed miserably and I will endure it if he insulted me and whatever, because I've earned.
But I hope that he is happy and carefree growing up .. that was my reason for the adoption!
I have to complete, also have no pictures or anything else from him and I will not even tell my children that they still have a half brother, because this is simply not true.
Before the law they have ever had. I gave birth to a child in front of them, but I have 2 children!
I was so far only 2 children really a mother .. at least I try my best for them to be and make it better for them ...
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