Dev is down with the nerves and not even talk because Anja is to: (
this entry yesterday I had started writing and finished today, just so you know, decision and do not be surprised that it all might sound a bit confused:
Today is a plenty of bad day to make NEN LJ entry, but I have to divert time and just has to type out now because I'm mad grad fear of losing me.
Yes okay, you already know of me, but wanted to type out what I was supposed to be a happy report ... (
.. The reason for my mood today Jörk?
But let me first tell yet from my last weekend and why I was really happy so far. I've already told you
that Siggi and I have spoken to us and he really tried. Last week we had therefore decided that we finally do let Jessica over the weekend for their grandmother.
We had not done before, weil. .. Well, I give my reasons and others, I'm just terrible mother hen ne! * Lol *
After Ms. Pscherer So last Friday was here, we have Jessica went to Nuremberg, I got to Grandma's late and there was I am also going on at once.
I was not a good feeling, as though Jessica was super super excited, but she looked a little anxious and want to let me go so right .. net Sure, yes was the first time away from home.
I have them but had to. It was about 19 clock when we finally arrived at Mom and JP was saumüde, so I'm gone, something bought, driven home and then it was quiet!
SIMPLY QUIET, the entire weekend. Woooohooo.
It was so nice just to hang out, enjoy the peace.
early Saturday morning I woke up because JP came into the bedroom, in addition to my bed was, where it has played ... totally sweet and after I had given him breakfast, we decided the whole weekend to just be lazy and do absolutely nothing.
We then set off for shopping. It was so nice just to have only one child there.
Hach and since then has bought me Siggi ne giant cup with NEM heart on it and "I love you"
Muahaha .. which is really huge. Siggi said if I'm pure coffee pack, I need me all day to make a cup .. Well he made me coffee junkie totally underestimated * rofl *
In short, I love the cup. Saturday night would
I actually had to Anja Skype, like every Saturday, but it was so nice and quiet and harmonious, so I'd rather have it done on the sofa, snuggled up with Siggi and "Pride and Prejudice" on reading.
Aaaaw ... It was so relaxing and peaceful. I even remained calm, provided as JP from the plate has gone down and was broken. (Not that I usually then rampaging through the house, but the dishes are new and there has inspired me to where the kids smash through their clumsiness)
Sunday we slept late, then I quietly earlier ; hstück made during Siggi JP has doctored, because there was such a teeny-weeny but really nasty splinter on the ground was that I had overlooked during the sweep up and there was JP stepped in and bled like anything.
But that went by relatively quickly and then we had a really nice clock at 11, sumptuous Sunday breakfast with all the bells and whistles .. So bread, eggs, fruit, fresh meat .. * Swarm *
And my food on Sunday was kind of tasty!
I made rolls and they were not only super mega nice this time, but also buttery soft and just YUM!
I tell you, that makes so much to just have time to rest and relax to. It was a total super perfect weekend.
AND
's also walked me really well because I'm totally addicted to shopping fever. shopping JA, makes you happy and I can buy online, I am even looking forward twice * giggle * So I've ordered stuff
for Jessica, for convincing me to buy and then on Wednesday we were and are still the same KIK and Tedi stopping by, because I have some other things for the apartment used as curtain rods, folders .. such a tool holder.
He looks not so, I go shopping just love Tedi in which, although not top quality but it is good. Especially the curtain rods but just hang around anyway. Since I do not need great quality, where a rod Deppert already costs € 8 ...
My goodness, I was falling on a spending spree that I've really spent so much coal, and then had an incredibly bad conscience, but it's great we went for it.
Siggi and I were "partners" look underwear now * roflmao *
was really random. We both have just come taste the same:;))
.. And NO, Siggi now no boxer has to tip it right now (here at the launch curl grad !!).. It is Playboy underwear!
Naja und so schön es auch die letzten 2 Wochen war, so mies geht´s mir halt jetzt wieder seit gestern und das wegen meinem J.
*tief einatme*
Heute war Frau Pscherer da und diese Frau ist so der Hammer, aber selbst die nervte mich heute.
Ich bin echt froh, dass sie mich bevor sie ging, gefragt hat, ob sie mir irgendwie helfen kann, weil sonst würde jetzt ein total unwiderstehliches Arschloch vor euch sitzen und dermaßen rummaulen...
Ich war echt so richtig, richtig scheisse drauf heute und hätte ich nicht mit ihr darüber geredet warum.. Ich glaub ich würde Go here really based. So I wanted
necessarily mean today Anja here, but have neee, Mama Münster is bitchy, so I have to do without my best friend, why tip off here now and why, and hide myself then "Pride and Prejudice" peeking into my bed.
Yes, call me addicted. I MUST watch the movie. But yesterday I got so many similarities between Lizzy / Darcy and I / J found gespamme * gg *
No no Austen, which I raised for Anja to * rofl *
Okay you notice yourself: I red drum around, but to me is really hard ... * Again * takes deep breath
(From here, have ich Pause gemacht und heute weiter geschrieben!)
Also ich hab ne Mail von Mr.Sexy bekommen, weil ich für ihn einspringen sollte, falls es schneit und ausserdem hatte er mir mein Geld in den Briefkasten geschmissen wegen Hausordnung machen.
Als ich den Umschlag raus hab, hab ich ihm dann noch ne Mail geschickt, weil er mir nur 50 anstatt 60 Euro gegeben hat.
ER hat gar nicht darauf reagiert und mich nur gefragt wann ich denn gedenke Hausordnung zu machen, aber ich hab momentan soviel um die Ohren, ich hab´s einfach nicht geschafft es am Mittwoch zu machen, das hab ich ihm auch geschrieben und dann meinte er schließlich ich soll mal eben zu ihm rüber . Come
I would not. A. I had a bad feeling, as I do when I see him, then "sigh, sigh languish," Do you know, yes. But he was
on it that I'm SHORT.
I am so over then what Siggi has already pissed off sick again, but I did not stay so long ago. When I came over
, he was just making the clothes and I behaved as distant and aloof as possible, I've listened to his stuff - it was just to house rules and we have agreed that I now do again Saturday, as the just heard - And then I wanted. I was really annoyed
gehibbelt and have to go because I wanted to, he has already noticed, too, but finally he asked me whether we smoke or a walk and then still have spoken for his caretaker activity, etc. When we returned
were inside, he said, then suddenly .. and that was really, it was so .. Man, how shall I describe it? It went from one to the next over, without warning, without a break and I also think that is one key reason why I was so offended.
He meant that we now have nothing more to do with each other privately, that I should keep a distance like this, my problems to him to tell
etc. On good German, he told me in a roundabout way that he wants nothing to do with me, I should stay away from him and we only "business" communicate with each other (and I am against the Agent, no stupid Kommi hear from you .. not even think it.)
I was pushed on the head, it felt as he would a red-hot knife encounter in my heart and my guts were the tears I had to hold back more than real, because the nakedness I would not give me, not against him.
The worst was that he wanted to talk further. And what should come then, I would not listen to God.
Ok, now turned her determined eyes, but that was the total "New Moon" situation where Edward tells Bella that he does not want to, just before he goes, and although he has not said so, I had only his voice in my head telling me "Get out of my life, you have to look for it any more!"
I just told him, it fits already and I'm off. He wanted to talk further, that I wanted to talk to him, but every talk was useless. I just wanted to get out. see Him not, cry, break down what ever .. The main thing away.
The worst that he was still adds "Time heals all wounds," which told me that I had him so kicked in the butt, because I took the display back, because they wrote it yes just for me did, but I had to do it.
I had to decide and I have decided in favor of my children, I had to.
I gave him then just leave and went away. At the door I almost NEN Heulkrampf got to go but I was able to Siggi face swollen from crying, too, so I've swallowed my tears and I'm over.
Siggi has now so finely tuned sensors, has noticed that anyway and wanted to know what's going on, had no understanding, of course, why I am because of "so nem sneaky cops" whine and then went even nothing more.
I Siggi ignoriet all evening, had just shit mood, yesterday's was no better and by Jessica's behavior has everything so hyped ... then as the wife Pscherer came, I was about to explode, and even made me annoyed.
you noticed how bad I am and I had hoped so much that Anja is online, so I can good cry with her, because she only manages to bring me down, but Anya was not there. So then I'm
Pscherer woman in our old apartment, you have everything there and tells me crying her eyes out.
Anja was then last night as well as net and today I feel like even been sick, and J has left a deep hole in me, but I will not go to him and begging that he likes me back, that we forget everything.
I have my pride too.
I understand why he does so, it was clear to me, but it hurts anyway.
J is so important to me have become the last months, he was a big part of my life and I love him, but I am especially Mother!
A mother with NEM huge thick head * lol *
I do not know how to take it to continue to work for him to see him and to behave as what would never have been but I need some way.
Our problems are more than we thought, we have a long fight ahead of us so that our life is normal again and maybe it's just good that J has prevented the contact, I do not know.
I know is that he is the most valuable thing I have ever had and what I've ever lost.
And I miss him already Insane ...
