Modeling Journey

restart and a life without Mr.Sexy

Hi dear, I just wanted

long to post again, what has happened and there are also missing two "Mr.Sexy" updates, but I'm insane in the stress level and also I avoid anything with grad J has to do.
Writing about it is, I also incredibly difficult, so I hope she forgives me and you first meets a standard update, so you know at all what is going on.

Abstract: dates of meetings, 4 times a week, 2-3 hours each to help the youth there, unpacking, decorating and home grant, doing laundry, caring for children or me either having trouble with them, talk with insane amount of Siggi Jörk out of the way, in the evening on the Playstation for an hour or in the bath for 2 hours (lol) with Jane Austen's " , Pride & Prejudice relax ")

So you know the ad that Siggi has allegedly cheated him out of here and that I wanted. right?
fine, then I sit next to that is because, since I'm hardly even online. The rest comes later than this weekend.
Friday comes at last back Supernatural, I'll be back before the night to be awake Saturday also, because I'm already 2 weeks Anja and hitherto neglected, now all for my last 2 boring, but also stressful weeks.

So after I had shown him Siggi and J really wanted to get out of the apartment, I had again received confirmation from him that it is not, because I have not even beaten S. I was on the one hand makes it easier because I just would not end that way, but then again I wanted loshaben him.
I then so the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday spent rumzutelefonieren to write with J mails, I even called Anya, which I never do the simple reason, because we call both hate the damn weekend and I tried to get around.
On Monday, I wanted then to Amberg for family court, but it turned out quite differently.

You know, I think. Siggi is an ass, yes, we have sauviele problems and it does all nothing more but this hintervotzige way, that's not just me!
And so grateful I Jörk was, for his help, I wanted to end it just does not.
On Sunday I lay awake half the night. When I was still not asleep by 1 clock, I'm finally into the living room to talk with Siggi and then we were really there all night and have since the first time Years, talked openly and honestly about absolutely everything.

I was so upset because I believed him, I really do.
I mean, I Siggi Tag for almost 9 years, I know if he is lying and if not, on the other side was just J, whom I adore so much that I came in the butt to do and I stood between the two.
Perhaps even more than ever before.
Monday I was annoyed because then J court net and why I was there, but by the time I had already decided that I do it differently.
Jessica does so at the moment so immense problems so we decided to involve the woman Pscherer to us in our problems, as well as those of to help Jessica.
Do you remember? This is the aunt of the Youth Welfare Office, which was 4 weeks in November with us, once a week ....

Siggi called her and she has yet given us directly for Friday NEN date and with J I had also armed again.
Siggi told me, namely, that J was on Saturday away to dinner with Nicole unc need to understand their circumstances.
I'm not jealous of Nicole, the small is indeed 23, but it looks like 14 or 15 The birthday was on Friday before, and since J could not be there and I told him how sad I felt that there was no one except uns, ist er dann mit ihr Essen gegangen.
Das Problem dabei war nur: DAS wollte ich an meinem Geburtstag mit ihm machen und er hat dazu den Gutschein verwendet, den ich verwenden wollte.
Also Siggi hatte J doch in der Wohnung geholfen, im Sommer. Dafür hat J uns nen Essensgutschein für ein Restaurant in Königstein geschenkt, welchen wir aber nie benutzt haben, weil wir einfach  nicht die Zeit haben, zusammen, alleine weg zu gehen.
Am Freitag oder Samstag hab ich genau diesen Gutschein J wieder gegeben und einfach allein diese Fakten, dass Nicole den Geburtstag bekam, den ich wollte, hat mich zur Weißglut gebracht und ich hab J ne ziemlich heftige Mail geschrieben.
My Twitterfollower should have read it.
moment I gug times whether I think. THE

here was my Mail: www.twitlonger.com/show/871b20
and his: www.twitlonger.com/show/871c95

Well, yes you see it yourself. I Depp! Whatever the case, I was with him Monday.
The conversation was short, loud, and I told him that I now keep away from him. No emails, no calls, no visits.
You know, I come to realize that it was only sex between and, but not that he goes away with other women - for whatever reasons. I'm just not a man for Fickgeschichten! For that I am too emotional and jealous.
That was stupid is that I constantly hit him from the day did, and I wanted to avoid him and no matter when I left home because he was there.
Tuesday morning, I bring out garbage, who suits me? Right Jörk.
Wednesday: I go over to House Rules to do, who stands before me and is already on the return? Jörk.

On the day we had just talked to each other again because of the display, etc., and just talking to me somehow opened my eyes.
I can not explain it. He stood before me, I would have really liked kissing and everything. He looked at me constantly so and said I should look at it net so and told me briefly on the cheek and stroked aaaaaaw, but that he said it has let me see him the first time, what is Siggi him.
I would not like to repeat, because my knowledge itself is doing to hurt and I I'm ungrateful, but Siggi had with all the statements he made about J ever RIGHT!
When we are out of the apartment over there again - we are talking to our old apartment, for, so that the neighbors do not realize it - I just let it stand, waited until he was done, then got ready made house rules and it does not view ... Quite a week.

'm In the meantime, I took care of my life. I've had dates of appointments, unpacking boxes, do the laundry and in vast quantities.
Because we all have made boxes half full of clothes because Siggi said that is not then so heavy and the boxes were half a year now so rumgestanden in the garage.
I'm still so ready to net, but there is land in sight.
appointments I've also done everything and then we had twice visited.
on Monday afternoon, we had to go shopping for this degree, stood by the youth office at the door. That was pretty funny and wanted to speak to me, because the school has called there because yes Jessica refused since the Christmas break EVERYTHING.
Since I was in a hurry but I asked them to NEN new date. Who was then the next day.
On Tuesday she came, was extremely kind to me and when I told her that I contacted the woman Pscherer already, she also went again and I thought the woman Pscherer can be as long and often take advantage of as I like.
Wednesday was then the police at the door. Jörk's colleagues to Siggi to bring the summons because of the ad. I've felt so stupid. Really stupid.
one hand, J's colleague, who knew everything and yes the other hand, the ad so sorry I did. Siggi knew already know, because I had told him on Monday morning, so there was not that bad.

Anyway. Siggi was there, and I've also taken the show back, because too much of it was, what so wrong and because I do not want it to end this way, sometimes apart: Really!

Keep me stupid, but I really think that our problems are worse since I J know.
I wanted him so much that anything I did not care.
Siggi and I are now talking to each other constantly. He gives me quite often, really honestly feel that it is what me and he is working on it, that which changes and I feel better. Ok I was
as the police, I met J and then I became almost mad with longing, but God be thanked even Anja was on the day and was able to Skype calm myself.

And the conversations with woman Pscherer are very violent and have a piece of me again opened his eyes.
Over the last 2-3 years has been building up in me so much and I've never talked about it with Siggi. The whole has been so much broken and my life is broken, as I suspected.
The problems with Jessica coming around from all the stress and because the drum has an insane fear of losing one of us. THAT is the main reason why I said, is to remain Siggi, I'll do these couples therapy, the main thing is my life and especially that of my children comes back in order.
Through conversations I do become aware of how bad everything is really first and we had only a total of 3 hours with her, where it was purely about us. The discussions related to Jessica so instead of noon and the women are alone among Pscherer and Jessica.

I'm really afraid of what's to come and I'm afraid that does not get through to, especially since it is so crazy with Jessica severity and completely blocked, but I'm reasonably confident. The
with Jessica now I lay entirely in the hands of the youth services and with Siggi and me ... Well time will tell.
I know is that it gets better.
Although we both have this apathy and exhaustion of everything, but he supports me now. You see
's yes .. It is vorran slow because we are both just exhausted from everything, but if I do something, he helps me and shows me so often by gestures and small gifts, how important I am to him.
I know he loves me and that way I am.

J I still miss, but it did me good, I'm so glad that I have no contact at the moment.
J is just too perfect for me to be flawless. Through him, I myself always felt like a failure and too fat and then various allusions in turn ...
Siggi loves and accepts me as I am, including my obesity and my quirks.

The day I make up my mind already against him. (